“How come language (or drinking) makes the pain of language (or drinking, or relationships) go away, recede, soothe…and then becomes language (drinking, relation) and its pain…again?” he asks.
I smoke. I look at him. He is examining (with obvious pretend furtivity) my pale, smoothe legs, coming out of my singular light dress. At my arms, my skin, my cheek and throat, my hair. Lasciviously thoughtful, he. Almost curious. Almost authentic in his desire.
He is trying to daydream.
I am trying to be.
We are drinking now.
I am young, he less so.
Or neither. We do not know. Anyone can be so near their end.
So the story goes…
“The world smells good,” he says, and the delectability to the nostrils clearly depended on death: burning wood, smoking pig, a nostalgia of forests…
I knew not what I felt. Mixtures. Pleasures and sorrow. Excitement and fear. Doubt. I did not respond, just masked placidly. Pleasantly, I hoped. Ambiguous. And what does he sense?