Begin What You Have Begun – A Spiral of Making

Moment: Airy

(being an experiment, in theory

a result)


It is hard.

It is hard and it is cold.

Hard as in difficult.

Each thing.

And cold because of the weather.  Well below the freezing point.  But his gloves staid on, his lips held a cigarette, and he boxed.

He could box that paper.  That paper-thin page.  Already beaten to a pulp.

Him with a theory.

The theory a sort of equation.

The equation as follows:

ALL (whatever a person is, has, does) + ALL (a person’s skill, effort, strength, talent, knowledge and ability)

= Appearance of Art (momentarily)

Notation:  A + A = AA

An utter mystery to him.

So he sat in the freezing cold, a pen in his hand, the ink sludging slow, paper on a desk, digging/ exposing / exploring himself, believing / composing / revising language,

oh, and the catalyst necessary to the actual experimentation of this theory – (he writes) – MAKING

One had always to be making (working, acting, writing, performing) with ALL (of him or herself) and ALL (of one’s capacities, faculties and tools) to carry out this experiment, i.e. to test the hypothesis.

Catalyst: (he notes) making (out of/into/with/toward)

Source and goal (purpose, intent) unnecessary, indifferent

Any action requires an energy source.  In this case: living organism possessing capacities, perhaps even proficiencies, and coffee, and cigarettes.

No specified laboratory or station or constituents (conditions) to each his own [marginalia]

Quite a simple test really.

Requiring no great funding, no special services or permissions, few qualifications, variant supplies.

Simply vast amounts of time and consistent (persistent) and enormous amounts of effort. (As he saw it).

Reviewing centuries of other experimentations and practitioners of this simple eternal test led him to observe : “results in momentary airy results”

(often discovered in different places at different times dependent on observer – even in same test results – thus airy, ephemeral moments)

Feeling he had yet to produce an AA.  A momentary Appearance of Art, he was compelled to introduce a compendium of criteria – identifiable attributes – whereby to justly analyze resultant artifacts and actions.

Again the qualities boiled down quite simply:  put the equation into reverse for the observer or verifying assistant:

an Appearance of Art results through the remaking process or catalyzation of the observer,

requiring as a result, ALL of the observer’s person and ALL of the observer’s capacities,

faculties, abilities.

Notation: criteria for AA to be AA:

AA = (must equal) A + A

He practiced this experiment from both sides of the equation – attempting to verify Appearances of Art by engaging / observing / remaking results that demanded enormous effort, large amounts of time and all of his experience and capacities, and as the performer of the experiment – devoting vast amounts of time, energy and effort of his total self to the making of Appearances of Art.

It wasn’t going well.

It is hard (extremely difficult)

And it happens to be very cold (causation: weather in Winter)

He’d read of other conditions explicated by practitioners before him: contingencies such as warmth, geographical position, silence, wealth, solitude, suffering (the Ss came up quite often); specific environments, times or places, assistant substances or particular tools or resources, even difficulty itself had been recorded – but there seemed to be no rhyme or reason, certainly no agreement, in fact, very often direct and incommensurable contradictions between one catalystic experimentor of A + A = AA and the next, which led to his marginal note (copied above): “to each its own

He carried on, in spite of the grave difficulties, confusions and multivalent referents of the equation’s elements.  Once in awhile he believed he had discerned a momentary result – an appearance of art in his own private performances of the experiment; unfortunately he could not obtain verification of his tests from contemporary scholars/students/or adepts of the ancient and cryptically-clear equation.

He had no trouble himself verifying most attested AAs, given sufficient time and effort, but, as he progressed in his work, identification became more efficient yet verification demanded more and more of him, devouring his time, energy and effort, interfering with and greatly complicating his own experiments and test cases from the equation’s other end.

He began to understand why past personages were led to choose to practice and perform the experiment from one side or the other.

It is hard.

It is cold.

And there is only so much time and effort.

There is only so much living organism to be had.

Limitations began to seem insurmountable.

But by now he had come too far.

There was only to go on.

It is hard, he wrote.

It is hard and it is cold, he recorded.

Hard as in difficult.

Each thing.

And cold because of the weather.

But my gloves stay on, he wrote, and my lips still hold a cigarette, right to the end.

His gloved hand fighting the pages.

There is only so much life.

N Filbert 2012

17 thoughts on “Writings

  1. This is a great post, I will come back here again… Because I want to read it in silence and very clearly. Thank you dear N Filbert, I wanted a quick note for you 🙂 Have a nice new week and day, with my love, nia

  2. Dear N Filbert, you know I think, this is my second language. And I have been trying to express myself in this language… To learn language is easy but to use it, and to express yourself… But I never give up…

    I have read your “Experimenctes”… To be honest your intend made me excited… Especially this sentence, “Languaging as experience and in experience of language in experience”… Seems that your writing has been sailing into the language experience… But this doesn’t seem to me easy, because how possible to seperate the language from all daily happens… For to use language, you have to talk about something… life, person, event, feelings, thought, objects, etc. anything… even if this would have been a grammar work you have to give examples from life..from running life… Maybe I misread or misunderstand your words… But made my mind busy…

    Seems that it would be exciting to read you dear N Filbert, Thanks and Love, nia

  3. thank you so much Nia. It is dizzying, this effort, languaging. Exciting and intimidating! Always reconstituting, reactivating itself. I try!

  4. Spuh-eee-ch-Leeesss…

    Beautiful piece! Love the use of punctuation, you are so innovative and I admire that so, it is what I strive for too. Though I used to be way more free witth it befor the mentors had their way with me and my *LOVE* of punctuation, yet hat of this? That question mark looks wrong to me, and this too! I used to always encapsulate all quest. Marks & exclamation marks like thin (!).

    That was put a stop to…

    So glad to read you though, you do inspire me. Thank you.

  5. But Niasunset: some of us speak–fluently–with our hands, faces, movements… speaking is not the only language. I believe Wittgenstein was dead on in his thoughts on faces.

  6. So embarassed of the many typos in my 1st comment. The 1 in which I praise your triumphant truthiness in linguistics. : )

    I blame the phone. You guys look like Ivey Leaguers incomparison with my efforts… ha. Wait are you?

  7. Yay an Eco…

    “I doubt myself if many writers know what they are going to do when they start out.
    When I started writing that story, (“Good Country People”) I didn’t know there was going to be a Ph.D. with a wooden leg in it. I merely found myself one morning writing a description of two women that I knew something about, and before I realized it, I had equipped one of them with a daughter with a wooden leg. As the story progressed, I brought in the Bible salesman, but I had no idea what I was going to do with him. I didn’t know that he was going to steal that wooden leg until ten or twelve lines before he did it, but when I found out that this was what was going to happen, I realized that it was inevitable. This is a story that produces a shock for the reader, and I think one reason for this is that it produced a shock for the writer.” –Flannery O’Conner

    Two diff. ways of saying the exact same thing which is all about the magic transpiring in the subconscious when we give voice to “Characters.”

  8. What words can I express to possibly match yours? You have given a voice to the voiceless fog writers endeavor to pass through. At times we are ready to sit and surrender to The Nothing, and yet…and yet something comes to us, and lifts our heads. Perhaps the smell of a campfire, or the warmth of sunlight. The cascade of autumn leaves, or the gentle caresses of a quiet snowfall. Follow that something, and never, ever give up.

"A word is a bridge thrown between myself and an other - a territory shared by both" - M. Bakhtin

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