I, for Instances of Assembled Appendices

“Unable to say ‘I’ in either past or future.  Yesterday’s face, almost unrecognizable.  Tomorrow’s face, barely thinkable.”

-Edmond Jabes –

“One evening, pulling photographs from his youth out of a drawer, he quoted a dialogue between a child and his grandmother, who was showing him a picture of a very pretty woman:

        “Granny, who is this lady?”

        “Why, it’s me, darling, when I was young.”

        “And who is it now?”

        “And he said to me: ‘You see, in this Who is it now? lies the riddle of a life.'”

-Edmond Jabes-

The Nothingness of Personality

I, for Instants, inevitable infinity

Attempts at Auto-bio-graphy, or, self-life-writing, or, the inevitably ineffable

 

longitude

lassitude

 

aberrations of pain

with twisting serpents

 

origin: absence

defined by failure and loss

the inevitably ineffable

 

so say it

I do not love myself

nor find a self to love

and it’s nobody’s fault

but mine

(who?)

 

a descent of crows

inevitable,

ineffable,

undone

and scoring marks

into a void

 

of absence

and solitude

without a solo

 

no validation

no remorse

an abyss of ontology

and chaos of course

 

vocation

fashioning masks

of contexts

and stories

 

aberrations

of hypotheses

blind, deaf

and dumb

 

insurmountable

point

Borges’ Aleph

all,

if

 

uncertain

promise

trial and error

errantly

 

possible

within, without

and unlikely

unless

 

I do not love myself

and find no self to love

and it’s nobody’s fault

but mine

(whose?)

unless

undone

inevitably

ineffable

 

I say