ALREADY ALONE
Norway, October, 2016
Far from.
As near as I can be, as near as I can tell, I am far.
Far from. And already alone.
So long I dreamt this cabin, this hovel, this cave.
Some safety, a distance – ‘solitary’ space.
*
Who ever would I be – were I alone?
What am I – alone?
Where is one – alone?
*
Silence quickly transforms into noise. One’s ‘self.’
Alone.
These window cubes, cut from concrete.
These thick and stony walls.
Such noisy fire.
*
I am far.
Far from.
So very long – already alone.
And yet I’ve just arrived again.
*
It is cold.
Often, always, winter.
Sheer, spare, space.
Hardened, austere, edges, boundaries, shapes.
We are separated. Blocked. Reaching…
I am. Here. Alone.
Always.
Already.
Alone.
*
But not really quite.
Not really quite – all one.
Alone, never seems to actually equal – all-one.
Even though it’s used as stand-in.
Words.
*
I write.
Here in this far-removed, distance-sequestered solitude.
I AM.
Yet I only AM…
…in relation to.
I am not, not ever, NEVER ‘ALL-ONE,’ ‘AL-ONE,’
‘I’ am all-ways, al-ways, IN-RELATION-TO
in order…to BE…even ONE. Even singular
demands plurality.
And so forth, and so on…
*
I…am UN-ABLE to ‘BE’ without an-Other, another,
TO-BE-IN-RELATION-TO –
a note, a chord, a color…
a line, a shape, a term…
some weather
*
‘Language’ as we’ve come to consider, think, imagine…it…
‘simplified’: NOT ONE BIT W/O THE OTHER.
*
NOT ONE BIT W/O THE OTHER
*
My youngest son (10 years old) has heard
a strange, elaborate, convoluted and contested myth/story/fiction/fantasy (hypothesis)
about the “Origin of the World”
involving particles, waves, heat, light, sub-sub-sub quantum symbols & movement –
all sorts of scientific (& notably human) inventions
from Professor(s) AZIFF…
“as if”
these might declare, or describe, inscribe or explain
SOMEthing, ANYthing
about…EXISTENCE…EXISTING… (EX-is-tence, EX-is-ting…’out of’)
*
I heard stories as well (as-if)
that A god (or many) breathed, touched, loved, crashed
SOMEthings, ANYthings into be-ing…
that there ‘likely’ (or MAY HAVE BEEN – according to human conjure)
a “Big Bang”
another Big Daddy of heat…of particles…of waves…of sub-stance…of light…
or MORE,
or LESS
*
Wavesparticlessomethinginmotionimplosionsexplosions WORDS
InthebeginningasfarasWE’reconcernedwastheWORDlogossymbolmarksign
SOMEthingOTHER-thanwhatIS-AZIFF-asifperhaps
[how might it be ANYthing other than ANYone’s guess, among us, pray tell? WHO or WHAT might qualify – among US – as arbiters or judges, experts or prophets – and by what measures or standards (or WHOSE?) as each of us species-specifically WE?]
inotherWORDSinod,bow,listen…WHOtellsthestorythatMOSTaccordswithME?
andsoitgoes…WORDS
*
and it alters – it changes – the stories – generation to generation
depending on the rulers, the beliefs, the ‘logics,’ the ‘sciences,’ the ‘mathematics,’
the tools, the techniques…
and it alters…from season to season…
depending on the ‘outlook’ or ‘prognosis,’ ‘fellow-feeling’ or ‘concern,’ – survival needs
Some call Physics, others Philosophy, some Religion, others S.T.E.M. or art or politic or publicsocialpolicy…some Business (nearly all)…das capital
Each and every DIFFERENT time
a ‘this is how it is,’ a ‘this is what we know’
i.e., a ‘THIS WE BELIEVE.”
*
Our creedal species.
And I…
I say…
Some say…
“No Matter,”
“No Substance,”
“No Essence”
…”WHATEVER.”
*
Always a begin – always a play of language (nigh-universal) and power (universal). PERHAPS –
And so it goes (or so ‘I’ imagine…or ‘so it seems’ to – ‘ME’) and so forth, and so on…
…the playing field remaining species-equal betwixt athlete and artist, philosopher, scientist, politician and doctor, worker and ruler and indigent intelligent…so far as ‘I’ can tell of it…
*
HERE NOW I. NOWHERE ME. Language – experience – meaning – species: HUMAN.
“All the Same?”
Equalists all, at fundament.
Inequalists all, at experience.
Thus: equations.actions.creations.obstructions.thoughts.languages.behaviors.codes.might.
“Might”…a PERHAPS…a possibility…a WE (species-specifically): DON’T KNOW.
*
It is thus I invent and inscribe.
Posit.
Create.
Detract. Distract. Distrust. Conjure. Conspire.
Attempt a BE-come…becoming…convergence.
Attempting to BE.
And another is able to write “Why the World does not Exist”
And another “Being and Time” and still more “Being and Nothingness” and still more
all kinds of SOMEthings and SOMEones and ANY’s…
with their WORDS.
and mine, and ours, and we
*
I write.
Far from.
As near as I can be, as near as I can tell, I am far.
Far from. And already alone.
Polysemic Stupor 