Thinking it through….or trying

Fiction as Forms of Response as Fiction

…someone has been through an experience, now they are looking for the story of their experience…

you can’t live with an experience that remains without a story”

-Max Frisch-

We want to have a reason for feeling this way or that – for feeling bad or for feeling good.

We are never satisfied merely to state the fact we feel this way or that :

we admit this fact only – become conscious of it only – when we have furnished

some kind of motivation”

-Friedrich Nietzsche-

the error of imaginary causes”

Sees. Hears. Smells. Tastes. Feels.

Attracts/contracts. Reaches out/recoils.

Pleasure. Pain. Good. Bad. Happy. Hurt.

Satisfaction. Need. Preference. Proclivity. Desire.

someone has been through an experience”

Simple facts: experience: a living organism encountering its environment and its individuality, i.e. its entity withing environment.

now they are looking for a story for their experience…”

that is the story, as far as we know.

Feels. Tastes. Sees. Hears. Smells.

Experiences.

Attracts/retracts; Expands/recoils; moves/stays stationary.

Responds.

Then begins interpretation (the application of imagination to experience):

Pleasure. Pain. Happy. Hurt. Gain. Loss. Excite. Fear. Satisfaction. Need.

Storying. Signing. Duplicitous. “Meaning”: referencing anything outside of experience to occurring experience: compare. contrast. similar. different. preference. proclivity. desire.

Can we live without the stories? Delusions? Imagination – constructions?

Only experience our lives as they occur?

you can’t live with an experience that remains without a story”

Is that so?

Furthest Remove: that of the question mark – shorthand for infinity.

How quickly inquisitiveness. The infant. Satisfaction. Need.

The gaze, the fuzzy ear pricked, the sniffing, the tongue suck and wail, the grasping arms: ?

now it is looking for the story of its experience”

A fore and an aft. A this and that. A me and not-me. A feeling and a countering feeling. An imagination. Illusion. Additive.

? = infinity = desire.

In the behavior, in the almost-thought, in the instincts…

Complexly constructed to image-in to experience, alternate experiences.

Metaphor. Meaning. Combine and extract. Wish. Desire.

Preference. Proclivity. ?

Proliferation of experience

When activation of the questioning (quest-ing) ceases, the organism dies.

? = possibility. Potential. Infinity.

Why is it so “difficult” to stop at experience and rather to move on to “experiment”? To weave and unwind. Knot and sever.

one senses…

as one improvises on the piano”

after Wallace Stevens

not only do we perceive what we are prepared to perceive,

but we perceive what we want to perceive

our senses carry with them the double ballast

of our preconceptions (imagine!) and our desires (wish)

after F. Gonzalez-Crussi

when someone says ‘I stand there perceiving,’ for there read forming,

that is, ‘I stand forming perceiving’…all there’s are forming

after Madeline Gins

Why? = ? = infinity = abyss = void.

Experience = there is + ?

(when again occurs)

Sees. Hears. Smells. Tastes. Feels. again (imagination begun)

Same. Different. (imagination begun)

Reference rather than new now (imagination begun)

Story construction. Illusion. Apparently infinite desire.

There is “and” (imaginative construction – addition/subtraction)

there is “again” (invention connection – illusion? – difference/similarity – story begun)

Organism experiences…questions…desires…goes on”

(as opposed to? “reality”? = experience – experience – experience – experience –

like the single-cell’d?)

Just so we’re clear on that, once perception engaged…we’re experimenting, imagining a story.

Repetitive exercise

In Passing

notes to the soundtrack for my final disappearance

  1. This is how we emerge                                            Concrescence by Caspian

                  beginning rhythm and reference

                  repetition and development of variations

                 slowly, gently

                 steady structures, establishing chords, core melodies

                 nostalgia for simplicity, grace of being

                 opening…up….toward, into

  1. This is how we make              Freedom Blade by This Will Destroy You / Lymbyc System

              as out from dreams, while dreaming remains

             principles, values, self inquiry

             as gradual clearings of fog

             acquiring voice, an “I”, somethings to say and to be

             slowly, gradually, reaching and dredging

            tinkering, organizing, choosing, placing

            beginning to see

           to open to feel

            Hello…I am…there is…

  1. Entering depth…                                 Epochs in Dmaj by Caspian

                 coming toward finding

                 concentration, inquiry, staying, layering, unlayering

                 passion builds this way

                empathy…moving into…world…self…other

               touching…diving…flying…swimming

               entering living

  1. Grief                                           Less by Nils Frahm

                what is singular

                 isolation

                tears

               “Less.” things, people, potentials, possibilities can be lost

                ache. desire.. wish. sorrow

                muffling pain…our inner workings…

                the stillness, the silence surround

                to remember

                to wonder and to miss. to fall or to fail or need to lie down

                to yearn from pain. to want.

               to experience less. lack.

                learning subtlety

  1. Heaving the scream              Three-Legged Workhorse by This Will Destroy You

    rage. revenge. determination. to seethe

    out of ashes…begin again

    explicitly

    Anger.

    To choose

    Obstruction. Opposition.

    To work. To pound. To continue.

    To find vocation.

    Three-Legged…to step forth with all one has…and step and step and struggle and step

    To tear away and apply…not to stop…to expand

    Insist

    To break forth. Announce. I am!

    I am, I am, I still am…

    to recede…I may be….but only

    toiling away…a way forward, surely, toiling…

    the keeping at…the consume…continue, continue

    I can’t go on…I must. go. on….through

  1. Personal Victories                                  Any Other Name by Thomas Newman

    gains. comprehensions.

    coming to respond to one’s own “I am”

    to say yes. alone. with world. in world.

    perhaps not of

    but alive

    aware one is alive

    one is

    and a world of others

    breath. grace.

    learning to say okay to one’s self, to world

  1. Happening                                        Day 1 by Explosions in the Sky

              engagement

              there is a world and it is occuring, happening

             events

              experience, experiments

              accumulation and then freedom (from and to)

              fascination, wonder

              wide-eyed…beholding

              possibility of promise…clear air

  1. Perspective                                 Over There, It’s Raining by Nils Frahm

    reflection

    a widening of borders, boundaries

    liminality of it all

    flow, spread, rest…

    far beyond one…

  1. Love                    The Only Moment We Were Alone by Explosions in the Sky

    shock of AN other

    thumps, rocks…startlement…stun

    feels like a different world

    unknowns

    disbelief

    wonder

    amaze

    …like revelation…

    pours down…trickle at first…

    more…more… (heartbeats)

    more…more…

    learning, details, fullness, expansion, sky, night, grandeur, power, ecstasy, mushrooming…breath, joining, at a jog…a joy…

    it arrives = AT ONCE! CULMINATIVE! TOGETHER!

    ENORMITY! gasp or sigh

    down…

    up…

    recede…

    return…

    elation – anguish – hope – despair

    Love.

  1. New heights, new depths…recovering…                  Epochs in Dmaj by Caspian

    left up, out, space, sky, night

    adrift, afloat

    looking around…

    still here…remains…

    vision changed, rearranged…

    world different again…

    to absorb, take in, a daze, a comfort

  1. To season                            Mighty Rio Grande by This Will Destroy You

    to have lived

    endured

    to still be standing, crawling, walking, breathing

    to build again…

    learning to live in the world, the “there are”

    and you are…one among…

    becoming part…

    years, seasons, days, people, places, works, movements,

    actions, sayings, knowings, doings, losses, gains,

    accumulate…a-mounts…a thickness to things

          nostalgia, tenderness, fullness, its dream

          presence, presents, worth, echoes, its sea

          plenty, rise, rest…

          prepare…we are not through

          heart quickens…

         construct your words, your deeds, character

         begin to GIVE

         to RECEIVE

         ………………incredible fullnesses of joy………………

         this dizzying intoxicating enormousness of world, of life

         this paradise of being: look! listen! taste touch smell!

          SEE! BE!! Oh just be!!! (PRAISE)

           and then…………..

                                         carry……….

  1. The Final New…                                     Postcard from 1952 by Explosions in the Sky

                where is this? where am I? where are we going?

                wha-?!

                let go………….

               release……….

               spread out…join…grow light

               sweetly and sweetly sing

               smile….acknowledge….thank….

on………..

upon surface of waves of cloud of sky of dream of eyes of breath of bodies and hands and hair and tongue and voice and meetings and partings and griefs and joys and haunts and words and journeys and memories and imaginations and….

and on………..

(delivery)

– so long –

(a star implodes)

  1. Reverberations Freedom Blade by This Will Destroy You / Lymbyc System