With the freedom and challenge of writing nothing, with nothing to write.
An assemblage without shape, a conditioned concoction…constrained by language, by individuality, by knowledge and finitude. Dependent on what it is that “I” am, the funds of culture, genes, society and cells “I” am able to access and “person-al” (!?) abilities or capacities to operate, utilize, actuate, participate in/with.
Writing veritable nothing(s) seems easy, suddenly. (When viewed from perspective of self-reference – envisioned this way it almost feels inevitable).
Perhaps I am incapable of writing SOMEthing, some THING. Perhaps I am unable to create a fact-of-artifice, an object, an artifact. Something-being-on. Perhaps I can neither begin work, nor complete it…perhaps “I” is always the EXCLUDED MIDDLE. The liminal divisor, the limit-of-being-this, the present/presence of this particular effort, happening, this action-in-its-taking-place…ALWAYS AFTER and ALWAYS BEFORE. Event? Never quite NOW, excepting AS the action, but EVER precipitate and EVER resulting.
I write. Neither conclusively nor originary. Verb-al.
Skirting this void (where there might have been nothing, no thing such as THIS – these letters) “I” scribble known (“shared?”) language…marks meaning…something…almost. Meaning SOME things to SOME persons, never unambiguous, never decisive or clear, not quite agreed. This is language, these letters, these symbols, these marks. May be scrambled, assembled, undone, recombined – but still marks – recognizable to SOME, and processed through “me,” significance is what is in question.
Understandability, inter-pretation, com-munication, con-course (of the stream of inking letters onto a page to in-scribe knowable triggers…to refer, to signify, to re-mind, to com-pose, to make happen, avail-able, IN-BE-TWEEN: to split BE-ing as shared or con-joined). To joinwith by posing, positing, offer-ing marks formed toward potentially recognizable inscriptions as con-constructed / – accepted words toward meaning. Con-fusing.
Yes it involves effort. Yes it depends on unlike-ness and emptiness or faith. Yes it seems un-like-ly (NOT like-able, not able-to-be-liked) and yet I give it, construct (co-construct) and offer up (sacrifice) what “I” com-pose (set out for sight – with) “YOU” (other) in order.
In order to…? for…?
Assembling identifiable language sets, verbal Lego blocks, so that…?
(an “I” might be posed? seen? heard? recognized? present-ed?)
Meaning, writing nothing – “having nothing to write, and lacking the means to write it, and the extreme compulsion to keep writing” (Beckett) and not to get in your way…
Perhaps this is near what I’ve done,
- a waste
- a con-fusion
- a voiding an ab-sense
- a disruption…
…getting it out of the way (my desire) perhaps I’ve writ nothing of note but a circling, a dawdling, an hesitation, dis-traction and trip-stumble-fall…
…a fragment and faltering, figment frustration.
Nothing of worth, of no value, sign-if-icance, just words.
Perhaps THIS is nothing of note.
What “I’ve” done with the freedom and challenge…the time, urge, and ability: