Forced to engagement, he usually says “I”. Generic reference: one of you, one of us, one of a kind.
Something different and else gathers when asked for his name. Standing by words. “Nathan”, then.
Something given. Something earned by a story. An occupation, a station, a set of behaviors and moods. A moment, response.
Most of the time he is human. A style, a class and a trope. At “Nathan” he gains all his failures – a “he” and a “father”, a “writer”, a “son.”
He prefers being “I” – one among digits, a 0 or 1 all the same. Taking an instantaneous place in the code.
Feels uncomfortable filling up “Nathan”. Making choices, selections of now and then, here or there, commitments to plans and what has been done.
Occupation. Specific surround. Others creating identity. 1s, 0s, all in a malleable line, disrupted by every stroke of a key. Each return and deletion and send.
Fluid duplicities of multiple minds…converged and conjoined.
With our “names” we profess a location. Always so far from the truth: provisional goals.
From the start “she’s” been too much to handle. Representative of dreams and beyond, culminative, a paradoxical [paradaisical?] symbol of sorts.
He drowns in. Desire. An ache and overwhelm. Another is always too much. An other requires one to be. Stake positions. Select. Choose. Behave and act. Become.
Desire feels like less than a choice. A responding. Implicit, reminding the lack of control. He is base, greedy, hungry. 1 among many. He is tissue and cell. Energy. Magnetism. Gravity. Reaction. “She” determines.
“Nathan” is constructed of carbon and water. It burns and it flows.
Weak bonds and strong. Necessity and chance. Survival and growth. Spirals. Returns. Recursion.
The name is assemblage. Situated, dependent: “Nathan”. “Nathan”. Nathan.
Give way, give place, give meaning. Give prominence, power, support. Give out. Give in. Giving everything.
Desire undoes him, undoes me, even I.
Somehow it accrues and accretes to the name and gets seen, blamed and reported.
This one. Now. Becomes.
Like formulating sentences – attempts toward complete – so various, anonymous, available. Becomes.
Insubstantiated concretion – at “And you are?” “I mean, what is your name?” “How are you called?” A power relation demanding a “choose!” and derision, analysis, judgment. Accounting, solution, report.
This equals “Nathan” in this context…I am.
“He” goes sick at encounter. Disclosed. Disappointing. Disabled.
Potential of speaking as “I” (1 of us) become static and constrained by “this 1”.
Identities form. In relation to – her, them, here, then, there, now. In relation to – “what is your name?” WHO ARE YOU? In relation to – ELSE and its difference – Othering.