earlier portions of this can be found HERE
– 5 –
Narrative seeming regurgitant, redundant, and indulged…yet as it occurred it was quite dramatic. A vibrant life of tragic deaths and violent love. The kind of loving one imagines as a lion gutting prey. That ferocity and devouring.
Language always there, most assuredly, in circularity and dismay, its hesitant encumberance. Its dance of waltz with tango, its distance from its cause. We were ravenous for life, steeled in healing, shriveling seeds immersed in waters. An obsessive metaphor.
From where? Like lamps at sea. Inside of windows, inside of houses, nonexistent. The sea is no foundation in its turbulence, its depths. I never charted. But there she shone. And there I strove, even while she drifted toward me.
The sky is murky. A sound of panting. My memories faint. I grabbed her collar and held her still, bent down, like that, spread open (in my dreams). They feed, they lion. The forms reverse.
Talking a mean streak. Accidental – no, – unavoidable or some inevitable undoing that I do. I won’t stop speaking, but go on. When I shouldn’t, when I can’t, when I do. I am.
What I say (I said) goes like this, or would have, but the force, the draw, consumption – I speak in digits, speak in code, I squeeze pronouncing. I will not say. What I am saying, if I would not, would have been as it were love. Instead I feed.
And she retracts and she releases, she relents but won’t rely. We’re frightened beings, gorging beasts, so here it is – the valiant story, the fragile lines, the treacherous risk.
I engulf her. Still she comes.
She feasts and I retreat.
The battles rage, my hair grows wild (she makes it so), her full of bruising, fully of greed – my want, my spunk. Our torsos open. We choose withdrawal along with weapons for attack. I bare my teeth and force her hand while she recoils, she hits, she sneaks.
We die away. I have remorse, and so I speak: again, again. Say “what I meant” I do not mean. Say wonder why. She will not speak.
There’s never truce but we find trust, a glyph we muster, when we must, because we want (for something), want (for edges), want (for love).
She says my name. Says “you remember!” And I don’t. Says work from there. My body rotted, her blackened breasts, her flesh unwilling, still we progress. We feed and lion.
A torturous joy. An adumbration.. Spiraled mind and twisting body. And there we are beneath a flow I cannot cease, my acrid words, my oily blunder. Why should I think, and what? While she moves thunder.
With firm resolve. And solve again without solution.
Then here screes the story wrenched of life – away and from – she drains a bank I cannot fill, I rob her purchase. We are one.
The scene begins.