“quiet field without possession”
Laurie Sheck, Captivity
I am an ocean of signs. Of a womby surround – undulate, viscous, discombobulate, obscure. Tremulous quarks of murky markings and inference, connotative particles, confused, ill-defined, and indifferent. Instigative convolutions, a potentia of concatenation and combine, cations and anions, dispersive attract.
Filled with words. Prescriptive, disruptive, chaotic, coherent. A turbulence transposing subjects, predicatively morphing, an aqueous slurrage of verb, vim and weave. Compositive, foreign, constitutive terms. Not-I. Of Other. As shapes and colors, sounds, concepts, any all perceived – no idgit of me, all permeable outside – Otherness, environ, cocoon – borrowed, received (or rejected?), an elusive collude.
Signifiers swarm me. Inherited meanings, genetic loom of semiotic loops and swirls. Who begins? No ex nihilo. All arrange, revise, adapt. We’re composed. I of an ocean of signs. Language and impulses, instincts and codes. Ellipses and notions imposed. Undifferentiate, senseless, stirred by experience – a cacophonous chorus of bones to my suture.
Oral, aural, textured and gestured, I swim and I sink, flux in the float. Fragments and fractures, compounds and bonds, links and erasures. Malformations. Dis-ease. Some viral, some blocked, unusable and ill-conceived, undone, or aborted. Indisposition. Swim on, slurry substance, amalgam of shreds, resist and desist, copy and swallow. I choke. I chortle. What makes “mine”? Just a word, (yet another), from whence and from where we don’t know, but not “us” (neither that, nor this keystroke, this breathy design, dasein, without ownmost). Even a name is built upon countless. Other.
Epi-, meta-, arche-, unknown and unknowing, interpreted through mediated mattery fracas, encompassing commotion, tempestuous din, innately ordained. But not-I, freak iota, insignificant smallest, author of none. No one. No thing. No not-I.
Quavery, wavering, components of signs, my birth-sea and umwelt, disjoiner and fabricate mush.
This become, in this swelter, this wrap and unravel. Efface and inveigle a ubiquitous unique. I am drowning, a seaway of signs.