i hope all that goes into keeping me alive, is worth it
46.110451
7.928253
A little secret
i hope all that goes into keeping me alive, is worth it
Wisdom
“If there is any irreverence in my own work, I hope it is the irreverence I bear in mistrusting my own sincere self, which then sincerely mistrusts the irreverent me. If there is a bottom to this, I think it is a life’s work”
-Mary Ruefle-
Education
“You simply cannot learn and know at the same time,
and this is a frustration we all must bear.“
-Mary Ruefle-
Findings
we are all one question, and the best answer seems to be love – a connection between things.
– Mary Ruefle –
Labor
“I do not know whether I work in order to make something or in order to know why I cannot make what I would like to make.”
-Alberto Giacometti-
Antic Ontology
But I do know something of being alive as a human being.
44 years of living. Sometimes awake, sometimes sleeping.
Often bruised in/with activity. “Alive” nonetheless, operative.
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And that is that: there always seems to be a “you.”
An othering. For humans. Nature, world, self.
I-you=we.
And that is that. Buber perhaps, correct: Being is relation,
(or vice-versa?) for anything (anyone – could we ever get down to that)
exists, stands-forth/out, becomes, in so far…insofar as – “it relates.”
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The gist= A we. Wonder. More-than is constitutive.
We are, and are made of/from/with more than what we “are.”
Being/beings (something needs troubled here) Here.
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If I characterized…TODAY = noise & speed.
“What calls for thinking?” “What calls thinking?” “What is called thinking?”
Slowness. Quiet. Almost silence. In praise of. Praise?
To? For? What?
Relation. A we. Equals.
And then…more than…= “become.”
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Behold. Arrive. Appear. A we.
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Reticence.
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Hallie. Tristan. Aidan. Ida. Oliver.
World – air, plants, animals, motion…
how else do I know? How else do I know that I am?
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only
in relation to
with
relation
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RE(lation)ALITY.
Oracles
The Delphic Oracle that has guided philosophy – “Know thyself” – in Nietzsche (in my “reading”, opinion) realizes itself as “Trust thyself”: mine, articulate your experience: or (from Heidegger, et. al.) “start nearest”: perhaps even better – Notice the Nearest.
Tendency = looking past. Going “large”, going “small”, searching causalities, progress, development, Time. Being.
But no. Always already “being.” Always already a “that there” EXPERIENCING. Once there, one might re-cognize (A-tension, attention). (A new “there”). And consider possibilities. Partially, or collaboratively, present-ly, select some more-than (…), NEXT THAT-THERE. (see Eugene Gendlin).
That’s something. Could be labeled “awareness”? Don’t know. But something, certainly (? – is this possible?) EXPERIENCE: which perhaps synonyms to some potential degree – HUMAN BEING.
“We” don’t need Dasein. In very many ways any word will do. Nearest, native. “I”, “me”, “Nathan”, “Rachel”, “Mark”, “Luanna”, perhaps beneath (before) that: no substrate: : That-there (I/you-Here) EQUALS. Nearest. Now. Native. (An archaeology of the generalized “we” – it’s ok).
Simply following thoughts, attempting attention, another “more-than” (…) BEING THAT-THERE (WHOM? – within).
Simple thoughts. Drawing (?) near. We (?) are such “beings” as might attempt/assent “to be.” Strange, that-there.
(notes, 08.10.15)
other jottings spilled from the fuel-can:
“Dasein has its being to be, and has it as its own” –Heidegger
[The Unknowable Alive]
for each “kind”? of being (perception) I wonder if it is not “turtles all the way down” and so, perhaps, eventually, we just “be”?
(Paul Bains)
“THE QUESTION OF EXISTENCE NEVER GETS STRAIGHTENED OUT EXCEPT THROUGH EXISTING ITSELF” – Heidegger
Inquiry into existing: “How can we ask about asking?” in any meaningful way? Access (Eugene Gendlin)
There is nothing that we “do” that is not what we “do.” We cannot get around a corner and become something else/other. Therefore we must content ourselves (or, it behooves us to) with being. Ourselves. Being.
Creeping through it. trying (?) merely (fully?) to BE. BE IN WITH AS WHAT – does he address how we have the capacity to imagine otherwise? (than being?) (Heidegger)
-Why do I consistently feel that I need/ought to SPARE others from my own “existing”? that I might make my way somewhere somehow that would not tax them?
To read “such a quiet thing as thinking”: A we
The rigor of this program (for me) puts me in 9-10 hours of seminar/symposium per day, 7 days / week, and therefore very little time to process, do self-selected-readings, even journal. At the same time, the strange reality that introduces – of an intensity and exhaustion I truly have never encountered (save perhaps in parenting and certain periods of intimate relation) – presses (prods?) me to adapt, alter, re-think. So, in order to survive, when moments arise for me to work with a pen and blank pages, I am going to post them as a record, as much for myself forward, as for a witnessing from any of you. As you can see, a certain blitzing of the brain/body incurs that confuses or disorients. So this will be a kind of journal / personal notation space for myself (needing witnessed) until time passes and (I hope!) the plenitude of this experience seeps in, along.
Today I found an hour to scribble, and here is how it goes. Drained, depleted, dissolute-feeling, I translated the first week into an expression around a too-much that exhausts, an overwhelm that empties.
To read such a quiet thing
(click title to view)
Uncannily (as many happenings this first week) – the evening’s lecture concluded with a translating of Maurice Blanchot – to the effect of: “we will maintain plenitude in (or unto) the nothing.”
Thinking
One week along…European Graduate School (Saas-Fee, Switzerland). It’s like nothing I’ve ever engaged, participated in, encountered before.
To learn
“…so quiet a thing as thinking.”
Martin Heidegger
