“We wanted love. This sentence has no meaning outside a sentence. We wanted a multitude of words. Love was to become the quarrying of ourselves, emerging from a completely different side of the narrative…Representing ourselves to ourselves was an unmanageable task from the beginning. To continue being a reality while simultaneously becoming its sign that dissembles nothing, only relentlessly elevates itself in a continuous shadow – “
There was no doubt we wanted. What it was that we wanted, exactly, was another matter. We wanted love? Perhaps. Love made from words and signs and gestures. From the beginning we had trouble representing ourselves. Being a reality while also signifying it and being its addressee – inveigled us in a continuous loop. We needed another view. From a completely different side of the narrative.
Maybe we wanted to drink reality to its dregs. We wanted love. Someone who could read the being and its signs and comprehend its address. Someone to help interpret the loop, quarry the signs, chart and map the shadowy spiral. We wanted a multitude of words. Words we’d never thought of. Never heard before. Synonyms and antonyms to set apart our signs, that we might, perchance, see who we are. Learn, not just be. We wanted love.
Loving ourselves was clinging to continuous shadow. Ourselves always just ahead of us, being, quarrying experience, fabricating new signs, dissembling nothing. We didn’t know, anything. We wanted love and a multitude of words, of gestures – significations of action and matter – we wanted to be real.
Your side was completely different. There you were – being, assembling signs, dissembling words I thought I knew into paradoxical meanings. I’d see a sign that seemed familiar but the language was foreign, the reference obscure, of exotic materials. Where were you quarrying? I was stunned and fascinated – we could make such similar things of our surround and within – yet pointing in apparently opposite directions! How could this be?
We wanted love. I followed your signs, tried to tell you what they meant. We wanted for multitudes of words. You sought to explain, what with the being, the source, the signs and address, indicating your shadow, not mine. I, forever chasing the shade of your dress.
We wanted for love and showed each other signs. We gestured and addressed our bodies and songs, put on shows of ourselves for each other. Here are my banners and pennants. Here my consistent mottoes. Here the images we keep – representations of ourselves like lost memories. Here our directions and contents, graphics and readings. Signs, signs, and a multitude of words.
We began telling one another their stories as we read. Replete with new words, new signs and misreadings. This did not often go well. With each sign that we made we were reading the last. We couldn’t keep up, swimming in continuous shadow.
A multitude of loving and words. We believed we wanted reality. We decided to quarry together – our insides working into a shared surround. We disagreed on its representation and agreed to post personal options. We grew confused and crowded with signs and gestures. Grabbing some of these, we started swinging, thinking ours might outlast the others, might prove “right,” win out, or be “true.”
Our signs began to shatter as our words and gestures dissembled. We established picket lines and separate camps. We fashioned more signs with blazoned slogans of ourselves and our views, losing them inside our shadows. We decided to climb. Perhaps a view from afar, or you’ll be off on expedition. We located a guide. Who seemed to think all of our signs were true. We looked again and could read that we wanted for love. Our valley was riddled with signs. Our guide interpreted gestures the same. Words of pain, words of fear, a multitude of words. All quite similar but in our own languages.
We wanted love, he said.
Someone to read our beings, our signs and receive their address. Someone to help interpret our loops, quarry new signs, and map our spiraling stories. We wanted multitudes of words and we had them. Words we’d never thought of nor read. Words replete with variant meanings and references. Synonyms, antonyms distinguishing our signs, redirecting our shadows. If we listened and looked, and with care, he said, perchance we might see who we are, being. And learn how to be. If we wanted for love, we had it, he said. Just look at the signs.