Another failure…I nearly doubled the word count ’cause he wouldn’t shut up. Probably shoulda aborted it, but here it is:
He was painting a picture for us. “Now this takes significant time to develop,” he said, “but I promise it’ll be worth the wait.” “The fruits, they aren’t easy pickings, but if you’re willing to work it, I mean really get in there and give it a go – you’ll find ‘em, and they,” he assured us, “even these beautiful berries, nuggets, sweet bloody fleshes can seem prickly and tart at the first – it’s kind of an ‘acquired taste’ as they say – from years and years of this trying/acquiring and trying/acquiring – but those tiny pert jewels, held deep ‘round the heart of its center, those phenomenal pearls of good juice, as they finally give way and pop open,” he said, “that rush! That momentary flood of powerful delight, that untangleable blend of most delicate morsel and sun-bittered time, that salting of aging and ripeness – it’s a wonder!” “You’ve just got to get to them and find them, one after one and by one, have persistence!” he admonished, “far along, deep within, there’s always this unbelievable cluster of most amazing, unique and mouthwatering reward – yes, it seems tiny and ephemeral and difficult to grow or achieve, but it’s worth it!” he encouraged us, “the dedication of labor and time, constant tending and pruning pursuit; the right balance of trimming and rest, nourishment and fallow…”
Why he’d referred to our marriage as “the Brambles.”
N Filbert 2012
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10 thoughts on “Friday Fictioneers: “The Brambles””
A fine piece, almost surreal. Mine is here and linked: http://readinpleasure.wordpress.com/2012/06/29/fridayfictioneers-seduction
My word, your blog name is very fitting! 🙂
I’m 12 on the link.
He DOES love the sound of his own voice, doesn’t he? No wonder she escaped!
Link 56 here.
HAHA, a delightful and somewhat titillating exploration.
I don’t think you should ever abandon it when your characters won’t shut up. Characters should do whatever they want (especially when it works out like it does here). Nice one!
Excellent..! It had me enthralled…. 😉
thank you so much brian…your comments are so helpful and encouragin
I really liked “sweet bloody fleshes” and “sun-bittered time.”
I was a little confused by the final line. I had difficulty drawing parallels between the marriage and his description of the berries. I did wonder if it was maybe not so much the marriage as the marriage bed that he was describing. If I’m wrong and it is the actual marriage, maybe focusing less on “jewels,” “juice,” and “rush” and more on the prickly and tart and the perseverance and dedication would help readers (or at least this one!) see what the wife sees.
I’m at http://plowright.wordpress.com/2012/06/29/fictioneers-19/
thanks for the comments…the idea was that the monologue was from someone like a pastor or advisor/counselor going on and on about why he was speaking to the couple of their impending marriage as a “brambles”…i like the idea of drawing a more specific metaphor to aspects of actual marriage…thank you